You’re not alone..

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There have been times in my life when I wished and even prayed for a simple answer to some of my problems that would clearly say, “Cherylene, do this or do that.”

There were also times when I didn’t feel like I would ever find the answers or my way out of some of the situations I found myself in.

I blamed everyone and everything for what was happening around me.  The bank, my ex, my family, the economy, work and ultimately life.  I honestly believed that the universe was just ganging up me and would not give me a break. The people around me didn’t seem to be faced with as many obstacles as I was and this made me angry and even a little resentful.  It is sad to say but I was not in a good place.

Everything just seemed to be falling a part.  Whenever I thought I had finally had a breakthrough something else would happen.   I was stressed out, frustrated and angry and one day I just hit my peak.  You know, the straw that broke the camel’s back kind of scenario.   I can tell you this now but I never told anyone else. Well, now the world will know but maybe this could help someone who is where I was.

I sat in my room and just started crying and crying like never before. I’m usually someone who holds her shit together and would just keep everything inside but this time was different.  This time I cried out to God because I realized that I was really angry with myself and God for ‘allowing’ me to get where I was.

I knew I could do better and be better but I just did not know how or where to start.  I  don’t know how long I sat there crying and just asking God why this was all happening to me and why he wouldn’t help me.

Then all of a sudden I felt a sense calm and peace fill me and my room.  I then heard a voice say, “You never asked for my help. You complain and complain about your problems but you never once asked me directly for my help.”

I sat there on my bed in shock and even doubting I heard anything because there was no one else around.  I was home alone just me, myself and I and yet I felt ashamed of myself.  I kneeled down beside my bed and prayed and ask God to forgive me.  I asked for his guidance and direction in and over every aspect of my life.

Over the next few days, months and years I learnt to stop complaining about what was not right in my life and learned to give praise and thanks for what was right.  I had to trust in God’s plan for my life and demonstrate that trust through my words and actions and not stress over the stuff I did not have the details for.

My life has changed and improved more than I thought possible  thanks to the favour and mercy of God in my life.  The good news is,  I know God is not done yet.     I had to make a conscious decision to change the way I was going about life – my thinking,  the words I would speak over my situations even some of the people I surrounded myself with. It was in no way easy but I see now that it was necessary.  I took that step of faith towards a new beginning and a better, happier life and I have no regrets.

I wish I had done it sooner but I recognise now that everything had to happen the way it did for me to truly appreciate where I am today.

It’s never too late.  If you’ve been crying out to God for help and direction and have not seen improvements in your life maybe, just maybe you’re not looking close enough to the answers or signs he has given you to get you where you need to be.

God gives us signs we just need to open ourselves up to seeing and receiving them.

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You’ve made it this far. You are more blessed than you know. Just had to stop by and tell you so.  Don’t give up!

Thank you for stopping by.  Make today and the rest of the week a great one. 🙂

Power of Choices

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Choice is such a simple word and yet it is so powerful in the way it can affect our lives and the lives of others.

When we make a choice, we’re making a decision to consciously do or not do something.

Be it to nurture, mentor, love, share, help, live, die even forgive.  The choice is ultimately up to us.

Life is full of choices.  Let us use our power of choice to help not only ourselves but others in a positive way.  Let us be the difference and make a difference.

Sometimes if we make a poor decision we might get an opportunity to try again but not all situations in life work out that way.  Sometimes there is no reset button and we have to live with the choices we’ve made.

Let us try to avoid doing things in haste and anger for the outcome of such decisions are never good.  Use your power wisely!

Thanks for reading.

 

Health and Wellness Fridays – Extra Virgin Olive Oil

Welcome back to Health and Wellness Fridays!  Today, we are looking at extra virgin olive oil. Olive oil comes from the fruit of olive trees. Olive oil has been a popular part of the Mediterranean diet for many years. It is a   good source of vitamin E and K.  Extra virgin olive oil (EVOO) is the highest quality of olive oil and has been known for its wonderful flavour.

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Thanks to growing scientific research we are learning more and more about some of the potential health benefits we can get from using it.

Some of the benefits include:

  • Anti-Inflammatory
  • Anti-microbial
  • Anti-oxidants
  • Cardiovascular benefits
  • Digestive Health benefits
  • Bone Health benefits
  • Cognitive benefits
  • Anti-Cancer benefits
  • Prevention of gall stones
  • Slows the aging process
  • Aids in Weight Loss
  • Moisturizer and skin soften
  • Add moisture and sheen to hair
  • Reduce wrinkles
  • Improve skin texture
  • Boost immunity

What makes (EVOO) the preferred choice over some of the other olive oil options available on the market?

It all comes down to how they are processed.  All olive oils are not created equal.  Some manufactures use chemicals and heat to remove impurities.  This process helps to prolong the shelf life.  However, this process also makes the oil seem lighter and affects the flavour and reduces its nutritional content. Some manufactures even blend with it other oils such as canola.

EVOO are cold pressed (meaning very little heat was used) , unfiltered and that no additives were used.  EVOO are rich in flavour and therefore taste better.  They are also richer in antioxidants and nutrients allowing you to get the full benefits.

So don’t take it for granted always read the full label to make sure you are buying exactly what you want.  Click on this link to learn more about olive oil fraud and what you should know when looking for your next bottle.

Proper Storage

Heat, air, and light are the enemies of olive oil.  These elements help create free radicals, which eventually lead to excessive oxidation and rancidity in the oil.  The key is to store your olive oil somewhere cool, dry, and dark.

How I use it?

I use a tablespoon or two of EVOO in my fresh salads sometimes. I sometimes drizzle a little on pasta and certain rice dishes.  I use it on my skin from time to time.  I also use it with coconut oil as a hair treatment for my hair.   I even use it on my toddler’s skin which is super sensitive and it agrees with his skin.

Thanks for stopping by. Hope this was helpful.

Sources:

Organic Facts

Natural News

World Healthiest Foods

Authority Nutrition

Impact of our childhoods on our adult relationships

Until a few years ago I didn’t really understand and appreciate just how significant my childhood was in shaping who I am today.  My childhood was filled with different elements that made it good as well as some other elements that were not so good.  Overall, I would say compared to many people I had a good life.  There are people out there who have lived through childhood experiences that no child should ever have to endure.  Those who survived, what price does their adulthood now pay as a result of those experiences.

Do you realise just how much of an impact our childhood has on our relationships?

Relationships can be tricky.  You see, we are dealing with people’s feelings, emotions, expectations and even their past experiences knowingly and unknowingly.  Even the best relationships have problems and issues to deal with.  What makes them successful is not only how they treat with their problems but also their willingness and desire to remain with each other.

Some times  when a relationship fails we beat ourselves up over them while others are able to dust it off and move on almost as if it never happened.  Why is that?

I believe that some of our childhood experiences affect us as adults more than we think or would like to admit.  Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.  How so?

  1. Someone who grew up seeing their parents deal with problems by running away or avoiding the issues would more than likely do the same thing when faced with problems until they learn to respond differently.
  2. Someone who grew up seeing a lot of violence in the home might create a similar environment in their household or might stay in an abusive situation because it feels ‘familiar’ or ‘normal‘.
  3. Someone who saw infidelity or saw how it broke up their home as a child might have difficulty trusting people.
  4. Someone who experienced abandonment growing up might have difficulty trusting others and would probably always strive to be self-reliant.

The above scenarios are just a small fraction of some possibilities that some of us would have endured as children growing up.  Let me say upfront, not because someone had a tough childhood means they would automatically repeat the same pattern.  What I would say however, is that the negative experiences do affect us in some way.   To what extent I can’t say because that would vary from individual to individual.

So ask yourself the questions and be honest with yourself.

  1. How much of your childhood affects how you parent?
  2. How much of your childhood affects how you love others and yourself?
  3. How much of your childhood affects how you receive love?
  4. How much of your childhood affects how much you trust other people?
  5. How much of your childhood affects your ability to let others get close you?
  6. How much of your childhood affects why you like what you like or don’t like certain things or certain people?
  7. How much of your childhood affects your ability to forgive?

The fact is, only you can honestly answer those questions.  I’ve learnt that no matter how long ago the pain or hurt occurred in our childhood once it was never addressed or given closure it affects us and our relationships.

We can pretend it does not bother us or act like it never happened but in our subconscious and conscious mind it is there. The memories may be in the corner covered up but they’re still there.  Ignoring them won’t make them go away.  When you think you’re over it, life has a way of bringing it to the surface and because we have never dealt with it, there is often chaos and drama.

Many times when we enter relationships we only enter with the knowledge of what we’ve seen or been told by that special someone.  The average person does not lay out all their hurt for the world to see.   We bury it in an effort to forget so that we can function and have some measure of normalcy in our lives.  We call it self-preservation and our brain does that to help us initially but we can only hide for so long.

When relationships fail, it’s not always because of what is seen on the surface but sometimes the issue is much deeper.  No, it’s not our job to fix the person we’re with!  We have your own issues to address before we can help anyone else.  They must be willing and ready to face their own truths and address them one at a time.  That is the hard truth.

Some people over the years have been able to work through their childhood experiences to live better, happier lives. Facing some of those memories can be tough but it is possible to find peace within ourselves so we can truly move forward.

There is no doubt in my mind that our childhood can and does impact our adult lives.  How we let it impact our relationships is up to us.  When relationships fail it can be a tough pill to swallow.  After all, we’ve invested our time, our hearts and resources into the experience.   Cherish the good memories from your childhood and get help in working through the challenging ones so they don’t keep you stuck.

May you find the strength and courage to address the pain and hurt that you are dealing with.  Those of us that have children owe it to them to get resolution of our own issues so we don’t repeat the cycle of  pain.  We can’t help them until we help ourselves.

Thanks for reading.

 

Dangers of unrealistic expectations

Expectations we all have them.  I would even go so far to say, that it is apart of the human condition, in that it comes naturally to us.  We create expectations of ourselves and others.  Sometimes our expectations are realistic and other times they are just unrealistic.    Realistic expectations are great because they are achievable and most times even reasonable.

Unrealistic expectations on the other hand, are the total opposite. They are often unattainable and unreasonable.  They can have negative effects on relationships and the individual.   I have lived through and survived both. Today I want to highlight some of the things I learnt along the way and how I overcame them.

Some negatives that could arise due to unrealistic expectations within the relationship are:

  1. Create unnecessary conflict
  2. Foster resentment
  3. Increase stress levels
  4. Breakdown in communication
  5. Avoidance of each other when possible
  6. Baffled ( as you try to find logic in what is being asked of you)

Some negatives that could arise from self-inflicted unrealistic expectations are:

  1. Bring on depression
  2. Increase stress levels
  3. Increase the risk of failure – (if the goal or target set is not realistic you will fail)
  4. Beating up yourself emotionally – (negative self-talk)
  5. Foster resentment towards yourself – (for not meeting the expectation)
  6. Cause loss of appetite for some people – (side effect from the stress)
  7. Trigger over eating in others – (side effect from the stress)
  8. Negatively impact your health sometimes mentally and or physically.
  9. Hinder your happiness

Some examples of unrealistic expectations include but are not limited to the following:

  1. Relying on your loved ones to make and keep you happy.
  2. Expecting to never fail at anything.
  3. Expecting to be great at everything.
  4. Expecting everybody you meet to like you.
  5. Expecting the people you love to never make a mistake.
  6. You can ‘fix’ everyone. 
  7. You can do everything yourself.
  8. You don’t need anyone.
  9. You are in control of everything.
  10. Our kids want we want for them.

How I overcame my unrealistic expectations:

  1. Stop expecting others to be perfect.
  2. Admit and accept that I was not perfect.
  3. Be realistic and honest with myself. Don’t expect of others things  I do not expect of  myself.
  4. Put myself in the other person’s shoe. Not because I am good at something means everyone else is too.
  5. How we communicate what we want, is just as important as what we communicate, if not more.
  6. Apologize (where I was guilty) and genuinely try do better.
  7. Make a list of anything I deemed was unreasonable and I would try to communicate same to whomever was guilty of it and try to come up with a better way forward.

It took time and practice but I have gotten better at managing my expectations of others and myself.  I’ve seen the benefits both in my relationships and myself.  Always aim to be realistic and reasonable in your expectations.

Thank you for stopping by.  🙂

Stop and Think!

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Stop and think!

Before you have another drink

Always pushing your life and others to brink

You don’t seem care and that’s so unfair

As your loved ones go to sleep in fear

Not sure, if in the morning, you’ll still be there

……………………………………………………………………….

Stop and think!

Before you open your mouth to scream and shout

In an effort to let the pressure from your anger out

Take a deep breath and try not to fret

If you lose your cool

You might end up looking like the fool

Instead, you might find

It’s better to act with a sound mind

……………………………………………………………………….

Stop and think!

Before you do the things you do

You might end up hurting the people you love

Or the people who trust and look up to you

Think before you act, it is a known fact

To love and be loved

There’s nothing better than that

So be sure to always stop and think before you act.

By: Cherylene Nicholas

 

Thanks for stopping by. 🙂   Have a great weekend!

Disappointments are blessings in disguise

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I believe that every disappointment has a hidden blessing behind it even though we may not see it at the time.

What do I mean byblessing“? I believe that a blessing can refer to a person or an act that can improve or add value, happiness and joy to someone’s life.   It can be anything from getting a new house; getting a promotion; conceiving or receiving a child; spiritual healing, physical healing; meeting the love of your life;  achieving financial deliverance and so much more based on the needs and value placed on it by the person receiving it.

God knows our heart’s desires. He also knows what is best for us and more importantly when to bless us with the things that we need and want.  I’ve come to learn over the years that my timing and God’s timing are different. I want all of my blessings and I want them now – used to be my attitude and thinking. Patience was a virtue I definitely lacked.

God has a bigger plan for our lives. We all have a special and unique purpose and contribution to make in this world even though we can’t see it now.

However, in order for us to receive the blessings God has for us –  I believe that we have to first undergo some test and learn some lessons along the way, all designed to develop and strengthen us.  Some of the test and lessons are more difficult than others and can come in the form of hardship, disappointments and even tragedy.

In my test, I would admit I was sometimes confused, angry and even disappointed when things didn’t go my way or when relationships failed.

Here are (10) ten lessons that I learnt:

  1. When God puts it in your heart to do something – do it!  Don’t delay and keep putting it off.  You don’t want him to up the antics to get your attention.
  2. Some test and lessons require us to walk away from certain people and things in our lives for us to achieve the things we are destined for.  When God says it’s time to wrap it up you better wrap it up.
  3. Every disappointment, every failure and every heart-break was designed to make us stronger, wiser and more resilient.
  4. Disappointment hurts and it can even leave us feeling a little crushed. It is not however, meant to destroy our hope or wreck our lives.  It is how we respond to these events that can bring us the break-through that we’ve hoped for.
  5. Crying can help bring emotional release but it does not help with the mental turmoil.  Those feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt, self-pity, anger, resentment and frustration can eat you alive. I had to find ways to overcome those feelings in order for me to move forward with my life and that in itself was a test and a lesson.
  6. God knows the things we struggle with even before we do.    He will even create situations to help us overcome them but we have to trust him and persevere.  We must do our part or there will be no growth and I believe we remain stuck in our test until we learn the lesson.
  7. God is a merciful God and he will never give us more than we can bear.   Our test are different and some might even say unfair at times as we compare our lives to others but let’s not compare but instead choose to persevere so our blessings can flow as we continue to grow in mind, body and spirit.
  8. It takes a lot of self talk, prayer, faith, trust and perseverance to go through life in your present existence knowing that although everything is not perfect right now things will get better.
  9. Use disappointment as a stepping stone to propel you into the next level of your journey.
  10. We all have our own test to complete and our own lessons to learn.

What lesson is God trying to teach you in your life now?     What or who is holding you back from becoming who you are meant to be?

I believe we all have the potential to not only overcome the disappointments that we are faced with but also get the hidden blessings that can come out of them – if we choose to view them differently and persevere.

If you are going through a tough period in your life now, know that you are not alone.   Life can be a struggle but not everything in it has to be.  Trust that this too shall pass, look for the lesson, learn from it and God will deliver your blessing. 

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Thanks for stopping. 🙂