Accepting and Understanding Control

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Image Credit: Pixabay.com

Many times we let ourselves get upset over the decisions and choices that those we love and care for make that we don’t support.

Many times like broken records we try to tell others why the path they’re on is wrong and why our way would be better.

Many times we see what’s wrong in the lives of others and pay little attention to what we need to fix in our own lives.

Many times we don’t realize or rather refuse to accept that some of us just have to learn some lessons in our own time because if we skip the steps we stand the risk of repeating the same mistakes.

Many times we are angry and upset but don’t admit to ourselves the real cause or root of what we feel and why.

Many times there are periods in our lives when even though we are surrounded by people we may feel alone.

Many times we often hide our true feelings out of fear, pride or uncertainty.

The thing is, there will be many instances when there are things and people we don’t understand, agree with or even like.

We have to sometimes accept that is how they are – at least, at this current moment in their lives.  We can’t fix nor is it our job to everyone or everything. It is only through understanding and learning to recognize that we can’t and will never control everything around us will we be able to better handle such situations.  

Our strength and power comes from understanding that the only control we need to have is over ourselves, our thoughts, our emotions, our words and our actions. When we don’t practice control over our mind, body and spirit we leave ourselves open to whatever and whomever wants to manipulate and control our lives.

Make a conscious decision today to use the power within you wisely! 🙂

May the New Year bring you joy, happiness, love and a way forward to a better, brighter and stronger YOU.

Thank you for stopping by.  Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

Dangers of unrealistic expectations

Expectations we all have them.  I would even go so far to say, that it is apart of the human condition, in that it comes naturally to us.  We create expectations of ourselves and others.  Sometimes our expectations are realistic and other times they are just unrealistic.    Realistic expectations are great because they are achievable and most times even reasonable.

Unrealistic expectations on the other hand, are the total opposite. They are often unattainable and unreasonable.  They can have negative effects on relationships and the individual.   I have lived through and survived both. Today I want to highlight some of the things I learnt along the way and how I overcame them.

Some negatives that could arise due to unrealistic expectations within the relationship are:

  1. Create unnecessary conflict
  2. Foster resentment
  3. Increase stress levels
  4. Breakdown in communication
  5. Avoidance of each other when possible
  6. Baffled ( as you try to find logic in what is being asked of you)

Some negatives that could arise from self-inflicted unrealistic expectations are:

  1. Bring on depression
  2. Increase stress levels
  3. Increase the risk of failure – (if the goal or target set is not realistic you will fail)
  4. Beating up yourself emotionally – (negative self-talk)
  5. Foster resentment towards yourself – (for not meeting the expectation)
  6. Cause loss of appetite for some people – (side effect from the stress)
  7. Trigger over eating in others – (side effect from the stress)
  8. Negatively impact your health sometimes mentally and or physically.
  9. Hinder your happiness

Some examples of unrealistic expectations include but are not limited to the following:

  1. Relying on your loved ones to make and keep you happy.
  2. Expecting to never fail at anything.
  3. Expecting to be great at everything.
  4. Expecting everybody you meet to like you.
  5. Expecting the people you love to never make a mistake.
  6. You can ‘fix’ everyone. 
  7. You can do everything yourself.
  8. You don’t need anyone.
  9. You are in control of everything.
  10. Our kids want we want for them.

How I overcame my unrealistic expectations:

  1. Stop expecting others to be perfect.
  2. Admit and accept that I was not perfect.
  3. Be realistic and honest with myself. Don’t expect of others things  I do not expect of  myself.
  4. Put myself in the other person’s shoe. Not because I am good at something means everyone else is too.
  5. How we communicate what we want, is just as important as what we communicate, if not more.
  6. Apologize (where I was guilty) and genuinely try do better.
  7. Make a list of anything I deemed was unreasonable and I would try to communicate same to whomever was guilty of it and try to come up with a better way forward.

It took time and practice but I have gotten better at managing my expectations of others and myself.  I’ve seen the benefits both in my relationships and myself.  Always aim to be realistic and reasonable in your expectations.

Thank you for stopping by.  🙂