Do you know the feeling of frustration you can get from loving someone so much that no matter how bad they treat you – you love them anyway? They disappoint you time and time again. You love them still. They hurt you in ways that no one who truly loves another human being should – and we make excuses for them and love them anyway. You love them so much that it drains you emotionally and physically.
The people around you don’t understand what you see in this person sometimes but you know what and how you feel. Their judgements don’t sway you because you are in love. However, as the emotional load you carry starts accumulating it begins to weigh you down. You are ignoring your own needs because all you do is try to make this person happy at the sacrifice of your own happiness.
I have been there and when you’re in it – it does not feel like you’re doing anything wrong. In fact, it feels like you’re doing everything right. Just what a person in a relationship is supposed to do compromise and be flexible. After all, no relationship is perfect. However, all your efforts always seem not enough. You guys can’t seem to stay happy long enough before there is something new or old to argue about. It feels as though he or she does it on purpose sometimes just to pick a fight.
You are always arguing and everything seems to always be your fault as they seldom take responsibility for any failures within the relationship. While in my relationship, I honestly never thought anything was wrong with it. I loved him and I honestly believed that he loved me at least that’s what he would say but his actions sometimes did not match his words.
Denial kept me in a false reality for so long that when I eventually woke up I was so angry with myself. I thought if I loved him enough he would do right by me and that things would get better but it didn’t. He convinced me and I convinced myself that we could work through our issues and emerge the successful couple everyone or rather most people thought we were. I comprised and comprised more than I should have.
I soon realized that loving him was not enough. It was eating me alive. The hurt and pain just kept compounding. Was it really my job to make him happy and keep him happy? Enough was enough and eventually the time came when I had to decide for myself – to love myself as much as if not more than I had loved him. It was time to do what was best for me.
I later learnt that it was not my job to make him happy and that he had his own issues he needed to deal with if he was ever to be truly happy. I had my own issues to address if I was ever to have a healthy relationship going forward.
You see me loving him despite his mistakes and poor decisions didn’t make him a better person; it didn’t make him stop doing or saying things that hurt me. If nothing else, it gave him the permission to continue with his poor choices as he knew I would forgive him and try to work it out. He took me and my love for granted. Love was not enough to save my relationship. It took a rational view of what was really going on for me to see that I was losing myself in that relationship. It had become toxic.
I am all for working on relationships but it is not a one person job because it takes two. To love and be loved is a beautiful thing but we must never lose sight of the importance of loving ourselves. Any relationship that is taking more than its giving is one you should review. When you are loved you should see it and feel it. Your partner’s actions and words should match up.
I am in a much happier and healthier place in my life and I’m proud of myself for making the tough decision to move forward. It was not easy but I am glad I did. I know it can be difficult to walk away from someone you love but there are times for your own well-being it is necessary. Do what is best for YOU! You owe that to yourself.