Healing Starts With US

We’ve all experienced emotional, psychological or physical hurt at some point in our lives.  They all hurt. However for me, the most painful of them ALL was not the physical hurt.  You see, the physical hurt eventually heals it’s the memory of it that is harder to forget.

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The emotional and psychological hurts STAY with us for as long as we WISH to carry them around.  They dance around our minds and torment us every chance we LET  them.  They STIFLE our happiness and we allow them to negatively impact our relationships.  They create within us feelings of unworthiness, anger, resentment, sadness and depression.

These hurts don’t just go away on their own.  If they did, we would be a happier society.  I can definitely tell you that wishing them away, ignoring them or even medicating to repress them won’t help.  Although they may appear to be lying dormant inside of us  they are quietly eating away at us – constantly weakening our core and feeding us LIES about ourselves.

The sad thing is, we actually believe those lies making them our truths although FALSE we make them real and this is what eats at us. This is what creates the INTERNAL CONFLICT and disconnect within our very being.

How do we break free and allow ourselves to heal from those experiences?

  1. Ask God for the STRENGTH to see this process through.
  2. Pray for the COURAGE to face your fears, hurts and pains.
  3. Forgive OURSELVES.
  4. Dig deeper and FORGIVE the people who help get us in this mess in the first place.
  5. Have POSITIVE talks with ourselves about ourselves.
  6. STOP holding on to the memories of the moments that have negatively affected us.  Write ALL of them down on a piece of paper and then burn it.  Choosing both in your mind and heart to let the flames free you and release you from that prison those memories have kept you in for so long.
  7. OPEN our hearts and minds to positive experiences, people and thoughts.
  8. START believing and discovering some POSITIVE truths about yourself.  I AM  worthy.  I AM talented.  I AM creative.  I AM one of a kind.  I AM one of God’s gifts to the earth.
  9. SEARCH within yourself for your STRENGTHS and BOLDLY and PROUDLY  acknowledge them.  If you are lost for words, ask people close to you what some of your strengths are.
  10. LOOK into your mirror and REFUSE to continue accepting the LIES you’ve been told about yourself.   “You are not a failure.”  ” You are not a waste of time.”  “You are not a mistake.”
  11. STOP trying to run from yourself.  We do this by ignoring the issues and trying to drown ourselves with denial.  We’ve been running long enough.  It’s time to face the music and take CONTROL of our lives.
  12. UNDERSTANDING and PATIENCE. We need to understand that healing is a process and won’t happen overnight. So let’s be patient with ourselves as we work towards the breakthrough we’ve been searching for.

So dear friends and faithful readers, remember healing is not automatic but is in fact a process that we MUST initiate and FOLLOW THROUGH with if we are to achieve the FREEDOM so many of us long for.  The ultimate healing we can receive would come from within bringing – peace of mind, body and spirit.

Thank you for stopping by. Best wishes to you all.

The Blame Game

The blame game only highlights the obvious that is, that something went wrong or not as planned.

The time and effort we put into it can drain our energy and leaving those involved feeling discouraged and angry. How we address issues in times like these can help make or break relationships.

Things go wrong from time to time and it is important that we look at where things went wrong and why so we can learn from them.  However, more effort should be placed on finding a resolution and a way forward.

So before we go off highlighting everything someone else did incorrectly – stop, think and ask yourself, if it were me how would I like to be spoken to or about.

We all make mistakes. Let’s choose to learn from them.

Thanks for stopping by. 

Be No One Else But You

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You have the power

You have the strength

You have the courage

You have the attitude

You have the life

To be anyone you want

So why be anyone else but YOU!

 

We’re all unique and beautifully made.  Never let another human being make you feel less than or not good enough but YOU ARE AWESOME!

Failure is a choice!

Of all the words that we could use to describe ourselves why would we choose “failure”.

Failure is a word that is given meaning as a result of something that has happened or perhaps did not happen the way it was intended.   It is sometimes used to describe an event, a thing and even people.

Are you a failure?  You are what YOU believe and how you behave!

You are only a “failure” when and if YOU accept that title.  For a failure is someone who has accepted defeat.  They refuse to fight for what they want.  They lack perseverance and a burning desire to overcome their obstacles. 

Failure as it relates to people,  is a type of attitude and a behaviour.  It is a choice.

So why not, choose differently?  Let’s choose to persevere!  No matter how tough things get, no matter what negative talk they throw at us, even when we’re standing alone.  It is the will to persevere that would bring us through anything.

There is no shame in failing at something especially if you have given it your best. 

Failure is just a word never let it define YOU.  You define who you are by your actions and behaviour.

Failure should NEVER be allowed to stop us from trying for that is when we truly fail.

The enemy is closer than you think!

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Yes, the enemy is closer than you think!

When we use the term enemy, we are generally referring to anyone who is hostile, aggressive or violent to us.  They do not have our well-being at heart.

The enemy however,  is not always external but sometimes the enemy can be found within.  Yes, in our thinking and our words.  The things we tell ourselves in the quiet moments when we’re alone and when no one is listening.  Is no one listening?   Someone is listening.  Someone is always listening to your words and thoughts.  That someone is YOU.

When you sit or stand there steering into your thoughts no one hears more clearly than YOU.  Those positive self-talks do wonders to motivate and cheer you up.  However, it those dark thoughts, those negative thoughts about yourself that I’m here to talk about today.

What we tell ourselves and how we see ourselves is just as powerful if not more powerful than the external person speaking ill things of you.  How so?  Based on what you already believe about yourself, you would be able to write off that person’s negativity without a second thought.

If however, you have already planted seeds of doubt or unworthiness about yourself then what that person says would just be the icing on the cake before you box it up to eat at the self-pity party.

Don’t be your our own worse enemy!  Who knows more about you than YOU.  Who knows your weaknesses, your failures and your insecurities better than YOU.

NOBODY is perfect, nobody.  We all have made and will make mistakes that is just part of life.  It is part of the learning and growing process.  We’re different, I get that and I accept that.  You should too!  The colour of our skin, the colour of our eyes, our body shapes, our hair, our walk even the way we talk is different and that is what makes the world such a beautiful and interesting place.

Some of us are great listeners, some of us are easy on the eyes, some of us know how to command a room with our presence, some of us bring innovation and creativity to the world, some of us are great with people, some of us make great friends, and so on.  Whatever our talents are we all have a place in this world and a contribution to make.

The point is, we all have something to give, something offer, something that makes us special that no one else has.  Let us celebrate WHO we are  and not focus on WHO we’re not.

So going forward, be mindful of the conversations that you have with yourself.  It’s time to go from being your own worse enemy to your biggest cheerleader.

Have a great day and thanks for stopping by.

 

 

Are you dependent on the approval of others?

This weekend the word approval came to mind.  I found myself wondering why such a simple word complicated the lives of so many of us.

I can honestly sit here today and say that I struggled with needing the approval of others for a long time. From my childhood to adulthood this word I could not escape until now.

How did I do it?  I sort to understand why I needed it and started approaching life and my interactions with others and myself differently.  I understand it better and no longer let it control me or my actions.

History of approval

The need to get the approval of others starts early in our lives.  We grow up seeking the approval of our parents, teachers and even our friends. Why? Once we’ve seen and experienced what disappointing them feels like we try not to repeat that once it can be helped.

We like knowing that they are happy and satisfied with us. Other times their approval can make us feel like we belong.    As adults, we carry that same desire into the rest of our lives.  It affects us in our relationships, in the workplace even how we see and value ourselves.

Let’s look at some of the pros and cons of approval versus dependency on approval.

The upside of approval

  1. It provides confirmation.
  2. Help validate who you are.
  3. Builds you up – making you feel good or better.
  4. Provide a sense of belonging.

The downside of dependency on approval

  1. When you don’t get it you don’t feel good about yourself.
  2. It could make you feel insecure or uncertain about what you’ve done.
  3. Some people may use it against you.  They know you want their approval so they purposely don’t give it hoping this would negatively affect you.
  4. You’re constantly second guessing yourself.
  5. Keeps you stuck. You delay action or won’t act because you don’t believe in yourself hence you need this approval to push you into action.
  6. It breathes a quiet fear that hinders you from truly growing as an individual.

Reflecting on all of this confirmed for me that although the approval from others is good and has its benefits it is not always necessary except in the workplace when it directly relates to your job.

More importantly, becoming heavily dependent on getting the approval of others is more damaging than good.    I can tell you from first-hand experience that sometimes in life, if you sit back waiting for others to recognize, substantiate, acknowledge or reward your efforts you may be disappointed.  They may not give it and sometimes if they do it may not even be genuine and can be just as hurtful.

Don’t let this get you down.  Don’t let it discourage you.  Don’t let such people take away how good you feel about your contribution or yourself.

Their acknowledgement or lack thereof does not make you any less of a person.  It does not mean what you’ve done is not good because it is probably amazing!  Once you’ve done your best and feel good about it let that satisfaction fill you up.  Their thumbs up would be great but you taking joy in yourself is more important.

The trick is to value yourself first that way what others think of you would be more of an enhancer and not a deciding factor.   Many times it is simply their own insecurities or jealousy that makes it difficult for them to compliment or acknowledge the good others do.  That is something they have to work on.

You just have to focus on being YOUR BEST not THEIR BEST.

I would leave you with this, if you have people in your life that support and encourage you be thankful for them. Genuine people are rare hold on to them.  🙂

Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

People Change

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People change and that’s inevitable

Because no one stays the same

Causing relationships to get a little strange

Sometimes it’s for the better

Sometimes for the worse

This of course can hurt us the most

…………………………………………………………………………

As love and friendship can sometimes become a stranger

Well intended communication can turn a disaster

As distance becomes the new comfort zone

Because no one wants to pick up the phone

……………………………………………………………………………………..

Silence and avoidance now the common preference

In an effort to make my heart sore

You used your words to pierce my core

So now our time shared is no more

Maybe it’s me, maybe it’s you

Maybe all of it is true

……………………………………………………………………….

Positive change is great; making you want to celebrate

But negative change can really make you sad

In times like that, you can only speak your mind

And hope that in time, betterment they will find

……………………………………………………………………………….

I’ve learnt that change is necessary

Although difficult to accept at times

It can bring with it growth and wisdom

Even freedom and salvation.

 

 

By: Cherylene Nicholas