Tragedy

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In life there are going to be many things we don’t understand or like.

These events force us to ask questions like, what is the purpose of all this pain, suffering, and  loss? 

And of course, the big question of, why me?

Every setback, every obstacle, every loss and every encounter we’ve had was for a reason. Yes, it hurts and yes, some of it even gets us angry just thinking about it.

Believe it or not those events are meant to get us to a specific chapter in our lives not only for ourselves but often to someone else. Our lives are much bigger than ourselves.

Understanding and accepting that, is what gives us the clarity and ability to heal and move pass those trials into brighter and better days.

Tragedy can be tragic but out of it can come strength, healing, wisdom, purpose and growth.

You are NOT alone.  We ALL have our own internal wars going on inside.  Don’t be fooled by what you see on the outside.

We need to support and encourage each other to PUSH through the pain until we get to a point where we’re in control of our feelings and it is not the other way around.

We’re ALL in the process of finding our true ourselves but some of us don’t know it.  We have to learn to forgive and allow ourselves to emerge out of our PAST into our FUTURE.

Have a wonderful night. Thank you for stopping by.

Impact of our childhoods on our adult relationships

Until a few years ago I didn’t really understand and appreciate just how significant my childhood was in shaping who I am today.  My childhood was filled with different elements that made it good as well as some other elements that were not so good.  Overall, I would say compared to many people I had a good life.  There are people out there who have lived through childhood experiences that no child should ever have to endure.  Those who survived, what price does their adulthood now pay as a result of those experiences.

Do you realise just how much of an impact our childhood has on our relationships?

Relationships can be tricky.  You see, we are dealing with people’s feelings, emotions, expectations and even their past experiences knowingly and unknowingly.  Even the best relationships have problems and issues to deal with.  What makes them successful is not only how they treat with their problems but also their willingness and desire to remain with each other.

Some times  when a relationship fails we beat ourselves up over them while others are able to dust it off and move on almost as if it never happened.  Why is that?

I believe that some of our childhood experiences affect us as adults more than we think or would like to admit.  Sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse.  How so?

  1. Someone who grew up seeing their parents deal with problems by running away or avoiding the issues would more than likely do the same thing when faced with problems until they learn to respond differently.
  2. Someone who grew up seeing a lot of violence in the home might create a similar environment in their household or might stay in an abusive situation because it feels ‘familiar’ or ‘normal‘.
  3. Someone who saw infidelity or saw how it broke up their home as a child might have difficulty trusting people.
  4. Someone who experienced abandonment growing up might have difficulty trusting others and would probably always strive to be self-reliant.

The above scenarios are just a small fraction of some possibilities that some of us would have endured as children growing up.  Let me say upfront, not because someone had a tough childhood means they would automatically repeat the same pattern.  What I would say however, is that the negative experiences do affect us in some way.   To what extent I can’t say because that would vary from individual to individual.

So ask yourself the questions and be honest with yourself.

  1. How much of your childhood affects how you parent?
  2. How much of your childhood affects how you love others and yourself?
  3. How much of your childhood affects how you receive love?
  4. How much of your childhood affects how much you trust other people?
  5. How much of your childhood affects your ability to let others get close you?
  6. How much of your childhood affects why you like what you like or don’t like certain things or certain people?
  7. How much of your childhood affects your ability to forgive?

The fact is, only you can honestly answer those questions.  I’ve learnt that no matter how long ago the pain or hurt occurred in our childhood once it was never addressed or given closure it affects us and our relationships.

We can pretend it does not bother us or act like it never happened but in our subconscious and conscious mind it is there. The memories may be in the corner covered up but they’re still there.  Ignoring them won’t make them go away.  When you think you’re over it, life has a way of bringing it to the surface and because we have never dealt with it, there is often chaos and drama.

Many times when we enter relationships we only enter with the knowledge of what we’ve seen or been told by that special someone.  The average person does not lay out all their hurt for the world to see.   We bury it in an effort to forget so that we can function and have some measure of normalcy in our lives.  We call it self-preservation and our brain does that to help us initially but we can only hide for so long.

When relationships fail, it’s not always because of what is seen on the surface but sometimes the issue is much deeper.  No, it’s not our job to fix the person we’re with!  We have your own issues to address before we can help anyone else.  They must be willing and ready to face their own truths and address them one at a time.  That is the hard truth.

Some people over the years have been able to work through their childhood experiences to live better, happier lives. Facing some of those memories can be tough but it is possible to find peace within ourselves so we can truly move forward.

There is no doubt in my mind that our childhood can and does impact our adult lives.  How we let it impact our relationships is up to us.  When relationships fail it can be a tough pill to swallow.  After all, we’ve invested our time, our hearts and resources into the experience.   Cherish the good memories from your childhood and get help in working through the challenging ones so they don’t keep you stuck.

May you find the strength and courage to address the pain and hurt that you are dealing with.  Those of us that have children owe it to them to get resolution of our own issues so we don’t repeat the cycle of  pain.  We can’t help them until we help ourselves.

Thanks for reading.

 

Disappointments are blessings in disguise

Image Credit: Pixabay.com

I believe that every disappointment has a hidden blessing behind it even though we may not see it at the time.

What do I mean byblessing“? I believe that a blessing can refer to a person or an act that can improve or add value, happiness and joy to someone’s life.   It can be anything from getting a new house; getting a promotion; conceiving or receiving a child; spiritual healing, physical healing; meeting the love of your life;  achieving financial deliverance and so much more based on the needs and value placed on it by the person receiving it.

God knows our heart’s desires. He also knows what is best for us and more importantly when to bless us with the things that we need and want.  I’ve come to learn over the years that my timing and God’s timing are different. I want all of my blessings and I want them now – used to be my attitude and thinking. Patience was a virtue I definitely lacked.

God has a bigger plan for our lives. We all have a special and unique purpose and contribution to make in this world even though we can’t see it now.

However, in order for us to receive the blessings God has for us –  I believe that we have to first undergo some test and learn some lessons along the way, all designed to develop and strengthen us.  Some of the test and lessons are more difficult than others and can come in the form of hardship, disappointments and even tragedy.

In my test, I would admit I was sometimes confused, angry and even disappointed when things didn’t go my way or when relationships failed.

Here are (10) ten lessons that I learnt:

  1. When God puts it in your heart to do something – do it!  Don’t delay and keep putting it off.  You don’t want him to up the antics to get your attention.
  2. Some test and lessons require us to walk away from certain people and things in our lives for us to achieve the things we are destined for.  When God says it’s time to wrap it up you better wrap it up.
  3. Every disappointment, every failure and every heart-break was designed to make us stronger, wiser and more resilient.
  4. Disappointment hurts and it can even leave us feeling a little crushed. It is not however, meant to destroy our hope or wreck our lives.  It is how we respond to these events that can bring us the break-through that we’ve hoped for.
  5. Crying can help bring emotional release but it does not help with the mental turmoil.  Those feelings of unworthiness, self-doubt, self-pity, anger, resentment and frustration can eat you alive. I had to find ways to overcome those feelings in order for me to move forward with my life and that in itself was a test and a lesson.
  6. God knows the things we struggle with even before we do.    He will even create situations to help us overcome them but we have to trust him and persevere.  We must do our part or there will be no growth and I believe we remain stuck in our test until we learn the lesson.
  7. God is a merciful God and he will never give us more than we can bear.   Our test are different and some might even say unfair at times as we compare our lives to others but let’s not compare but instead choose to persevere so our blessings can flow as we continue to grow in mind, body and spirit.
  8. It takes a lot of self talk, prayer, faith, trust and perseverance to go through life in your present existence knowing that although everything is not perfect right now things will get better.
  9. Use disappointment as a stepping stone to propel you into the next level of your journey.
  10. We all have our own test to complete and our own lessons to learn.

What lesson is God trying to teach you in your life now?     What or who is holding you back from becoming who you are meant to be?

I believe we all have the potential to not only overcome the disappointments that we are faced with but also get the hidden blessings that can come out of them – if we choose to view them differently and persevere.

If you are going through a tough period in your life now, know that you are not alone.   Life can be a struggle but not everything in it has to be.  Trust that this too shall pass, look for the lesson, learn from it and God will deliver your blessing. 

Image Credit: Pixabay.com

Thanks for stopping. 🙂