Forgiveness: Why is it so difficult?

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Forgiveness is when you choose to free yourself from all the hurt, pain, resentment, bitterness and anger that you would have acquired as a result of someone hurting you  emotionally, psychologically or through their actions. 

“What is the big deal with forgiveness anyway?  What does it mean to forgive someone?  How is this going to help me? They don’t deserve it!”   These were the thoughts that often raced through my mind before I made the decision to forgive for the very first time.

Why is it so difficult for us to forgive?

From my experience I can tell you, I was filled with so much hurt, anger, pain and resentment that just the thought of forgiving angered me even more.   After all, I trusted, respected and loved those offenders with all my heart.

Looking back now I can see why it was so difficult for me to forgive them. The reality is someone would do or say something we don’t like but the people who we consider near and dear to us will always have the biggest impact on how we feel.

It is our love for them that makes their betrayal so difficult for us to forgive them. When the people we care about and love do or say things that hurt us, their behaviour can be interpreted to be one that is not reflecting that love and consideration we’ve come to expect from them and this is what hurts more sometimes, than the actual wrong itself.

Let’s look at the side effects of unforgiveness:

  1. It keeps you prisoner of your hurt and pain.
  2. It prevents you from being truly happy.
  3. It hinders your personal and spiritual growth.
  4. It could negatively affect your health.
  5. It is a toxic and unhealthy type of existence.

Take the key and let yourself out of the self-made prison called “unforgiveness”.

Choose to forgive:

Sounds easy enough, but it isn’t.  I won’t pretend or lie to you.  It took me a long time to really  forgive the people who hurt me over the years.  Just saying, “I forgive you” didn’t make me feel better. I had to decide in my mind and spirit that I would say it and mean it.  That I was going to release those negative feelings towards those people and not look back.  Once I did that, I felt that heavy burden lift off of me. Say it and mean it!

So we’ve chosen to forgive our wrong doers and set ourselves free from the hurt and pain. Well done! What about the memories?  That is another story.  Any negative experiences that you have that caused you to unforgive in the first place, won’t just disappear.  However, the process of forgiving and time would help you cope and even heal those wounds.

I recognized that I could not do it on my own.  I had to dig deep and ask God to give me the strength and courage to face my demons.  You can do it too!

Now let’s recap:

  1. Forgiveness is for YOU, not the person who hurt you.
  2. Forgiveness does not erase the memories of the hurt but it can free you from the prison of pain you often find yourself in.
  3. It is difficult at times to forgive but the benefits such as happiness and peace of mind are much better than the hurt, resentment and pain that unforgiveness brings.
  4. It feels good.
  5. Ask God for the strength and courage to overcome this once and for all.

I understand that you’ve been hurt and I understand that what I’m suggesting would take tremendous courage and emotional strength but believe me when I tell you this – YOU CAN DO IT!    The focus here is YOUYour happiness and peace of mind. Forgive them so you can be free.  The choice is yours.

 

 

 

What’s holding you back?

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Have you ever felt as though you were destined do more with your life but could never put your finger on it?  I have been there and I know how frustrating and depressing that can be.

Do not be discouraged. I have highlighted eleven things that I believe play a huge role in keeping us stuck in life.

  1. Distractions – refer to all of those things in life that prevent you from seeing and being everything you’re meant to be.
  2. Negativity – will only break you down. This can be internal or external.
  3. Stuck in your comfort zone – take small steps to overcome your fears. Don’t  let fear keep you from learning new things.
  4. Poor Attitude –  our attitudes both positive and negative play an important role in developing and shaping who we are and the quality of our life experiences.  Be mindful of the messages you are sending.
  5. Lacking Gratitude – showing our gratitude to others for all they have done and do for us is good, not only for the soul but our relationships with them.
  6. Lacking Perseverance – perseverance is that drive to see things through no matter what. It is critical to our success without it we tend to give up easily.  We only fail when we stop trying.
  7. Lacking Guidance –  there is no shame in asking for help.  No one has all the answers, when in doubt I suggest prayer.   Ask God to guide you as you look for answers and I believe that he will give you the answers in a way that you will understand.
  8. Unforgiveness – is toxic and unhealthy.  When you choose not to forgive, you are choosing to keep yourself a prisoner to that negative experience.  Forgive that person and set yourself free. It’s not for them but for YOU.
  9. Not knowing your WORTH and LOVING yourself –  If this is broken you have to fix it.  Repair this relationship with yourself.  You are worthy!  You are an amazing person with so much to offer.  You CAN do anything you put your mind to.
  10. Denial – gives us a false picture of what’s really going on.  Take a step back and try to view  your situation as a ‘bystander’ and not a ‘participant’,  the aim here is objectivity. Once you have done this, take the necessary corrective action.
  11. Self-pity – this is a state of mind. This is when we choose to allow negative experiences to lock us into emotions that keep us prisoners of those experiences.  STOP BEING THE VICTIM AND BE THE VICTOR!

The common element in each scenario is YOU.  YOU are ultimately in control.  YOU have the power and say in your life as to what goes and what stays. Remember that!!!

Get behind the driver’s seat and take control of your life today! 🙂