Value

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Value is the worth we give to something or someone.

With that said, we should NOT rely on others to validate our worth.    We must TRY not to allow other people’s thoughts and opinions to negatively impact how we see ourselves.

Value is deeper than what our eyes can see.  It goes deeper than the surface especially when we are referring to people and relationships.

Value gets its power from our beliefs.  Therefore, if we really want to grow our value then we need to grow our OWN belief in ourselves.

Value ideally starts with US.

Thanks for stopping by. Have a wonderful day!

Sunshine Blogger Award

This is my very first Sunshine Blogger Award.   I am honoured to be nominated for this award by Roda.   Roda is an amazing person.  Her blog embodies everything that this award is about.  She is creative, inspirational and definitely positive.  If you are not familiar with her blog Growing Self then you’re missing out so I suggest you check her out.

What is the Sunshine Blogger Award?

The Sunshine Blogger Award is given to those who are creative, positive and inspiring, while spreading sunshine to the blogging community.

How Does It Work?

  • Thank the person(s) who nominated you in a blog post and link back to their blog.
  • Answer the 11 questions sent by the person who nominated you
  • Nominate 11 new blogs to receive the award and write them 11 new questions.
  • List the rules and display the Sunshine Blogger Award logo on your post and/or on your blog.

Roda’s Questions:      

  1. Use one word to describe yourself. – Determined
  2. What is your favorite season? Rainy season because it is not as hot as in the dry season.
  3. Are you a city mouse or a country mouse? – City mouse
  4. What is your superpower? – Mind control
  5. Why do you write? – I love it!
  6. What is your favorite book? – Reposition Yourself: Living Life without Limits by: T. D. Jakes
  7. What brings you JOY? – Blogging and my family
  8. What is your favorite fruit? – Avocado, it is so yummy! 🙂
  9. Who is your role model? Why? – My mother because she is strong, hard-working and determined.
  10. If you could visit any place in the world, where would you go? – I have so many but I would love to visit Paris.
  11. What do you love most about YOU? –My personality.  🙂

My nominees are:

  1. Life, more than existence
  2. Ajay Vyas
  3. Cheila
  4. Ipuna Black
  5. Don Cormier
  6. Maggie
  7. Sweta Ojha
  8. Rhythm In Life
  9. TheCagedBirdSings
  10. Elsie LMC
  11. Thetravellingdiaryofadippydottygirl

My questions to the nominees

  1. Do you prefer to smell the roses or grow them?
  2. Are you the adventurous type or more reserved?
  3. Do you prefer cake as a dessert or ice cream?
  4. Do you prefer to drive or be driven?
  5. Where is your ideal vacation spot?
  6. Can you cook?
  7. What is your favourite dish to prepare?
  8. Who is the most supportive person you know?
  9. Who is you favourite singer?
  10. When you think of blogging list one word to describe the feeling it gives you.
  11. Do you pamper yourself as much as you like?

I understand that not everyone chooses to be a part of the award nomination process. By nominating the following 11 blogs, I am able to show thanks and appreciation for the contributions you all make on a daily basis.  If you choose to take part, that is fantastic because I would love to read your answers! If not, no worries! Just keep writing… 🙂

Thank you again Roda for the nomination. 🙂

 

Are you dependent on the approval of others?

This weekend the word approval came to mind.  I found myself wondering why such a simple word complicated the lives of so many of us.

I can honestly sit here today and say that I struggled with needing the approval of others for a long time. From my childhood to adulthood this word I could not escape until now.

How did I do it?  I sort to understand why I needed it and started approaching life and my interactions with others and myself differently.  I understand it better and no longer let it control me or my actions.

History of approval

The need to get the approval of others starts early in our lives.  We grow up seeking the approval of our parents, teachers and even our friends. Why? Once we’ve seen and experienced what disappointing them feels like we try not to repeat that once it can be helped.

We like knowing that they are happy and satisfied with us. Other times their approval can make us feel like we belong.    As adults, we carry that same desire into the rest of our lives.  It affects us in our relationships, in the workplace even how we see and value ourselves.

Let’s look at some of the pros and cons of approval versus dependency on approval.

The upside of approval

  1. It provides confirmation.
  2. Help validate who you are.
  3. Builds you up – making you feel good or better.
  4. Provide a sense of belonging.

The downside of dependency on approval

  1. When you don’t get it you don’t feel good about yourself.
  2. It could make you feel insecure or uncertain about what you’ve done.
  3. Some people may use it against you.  They know you want their approval so they purposely don’t give it hoping this would negatively affect you.
  4. You’re constantly second guessing yourself.
  5. Keeps you stuck. You delay action or won’t act because you don’t believe in yourself hence you need this approval to push you into action.
  6. It breathes a quiet fear that hinders you from truly growing as an individual.

Reflecting on all of this confirmed for me that although the approval from others is good and has its benefits it is not always necessary except in the workplace when it directly relates to your job.

More importantly, becoming heavily dependent on getting the approval of others is more damaging than good.    I can tell you from first-hand experience that sometimes in life, if you sit back waiting for others to recognize, substantiate, acknowledge or reward your efforts you may be disappointed.  They may not give it and sometimes if they do it may not even be genuine and can be just as hurtful.

Don’t let this get you down.  Don’t let it discourage you.  Don’t let such people take away how good you feel about your contribution or yourself.

Their acknowledgement or lack thereof does not make you any less of a person.  It does not mean what you’ve done is not good because it is probably amazing!  Once you’ve done your best and feel good about it let that satisfaction fill you up.  Their thumbs up would be great but you taking joy in yourself is more important.

The trick is to value yourself first that way what others think of you would be more of an enhancer and not a deciding factor.   Many times it is simply their own insecurities or jealousy that makes it difficult for them to compliment or acknowledge the good others do.  That is something they have to work on.

You just have to focus on being YOUR BEST not THEIR BEST.

I would leave you with this, if you have people in your life that support and encourage you be thankful for them. Genuine people are rare hold on to them.  🙂

Thanks for stopping by. 🙂

Motherhood

Motherhood is a job that offers no pay

We as mothers are lucky to even get an off day

It’s a job that just keeps on taking

Being strong women we keep on giving

…………………………………………………….

Blessed with this task we must hold fast

As we keep delivering down to our last

God must think highly of us

To demand so much of us

……………………………………………………

We’ve been entrusted with great responsibility

So there’s no deniability

Our roles in our children’s lives are significant

If done well, they can be magnificent

Society and the world at large are counting on us

So let’s make no mistake, the future is at stake.

 

By: Cherylene Nicholas

 

Thanks for stopping by.  🙂

 

How you see yourself is ALL that matters

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Image Credit: Pexels.com

What do you see when you look in the mirror – someone who is strong, handsome, beautiful, sexy, confident and well-rounded or do you only see imperfection after imperfection?

“Maybe if I wasn’t fat; maybe if I wasn’t so thin; maybe if I wasn’t so short or tall; maybe if I didn’t have this acne on my skin I would be so much more appealing. People would probably find me good looking or attractive.”  For each of us the “maybe if…” would be different and sometimes it may have common elements.

Let’s face the facts, “nobody is perfect.”   However, that does not make our insecurities about ourselves go away.  If anything, I think sometimes it could make us feel even more messed up because when the shoe is on your foot and it’s tight you’re the one feeling the squeeze.

We all have bad days.   Those days when you’re not looking or feeling your best.   Sometimes it is self-inflicted other times it could be from external factors.  Maybe you’re struggling with something and you feel very self-conscious about it and the people in your life are giving you a hard time.

I know what that is like and I know how discouraging it can be when you are not happy or satisfied with how you look.  Beating yourself up about it is not going to make you feel or look any better.  So, what do you do? I suggest taking action.   Staying inside and avoiding people is not the answer.  I know you wish it were that simple.  🙂

Ask yourself,  what am I willing to do to improve and feel better?

  1. If you have acne prone skin, look for healthy and safe ways to improve it. I know there are a lot of products out there on the market so it can be overwhelming.  You may have to adjust your diet, maybe create a daily skin care routine, maybe go back to basics and use all natural items like aloe vera, apple cider and honey just to name a few until you find something that works for you. Don’t give up!
  2. If you want to lose some weight you’re going to have to put in some work.   A change in your diet maybe necessary and even some form of exercise.  Is that really so bad?  If we really want to be our best selves shouldn’t we do what is necessary to get our health and bodies in better shape.
  3. Don’t let you mood keep you from being happy.  There are days when I just don’t feel like putting that much effort into how I look.  I’ve realised that doing the exact opposite actually helps improve my mood.  So I would put on a little makeup and style my hair and this simple act changes my mood and my attitude. If you’re not into all of that maybe you could wear a really nice dress, or a cute pair of shoes or a suit.

At the end of the day, looking at ourselves in the mirror and being negative about what we see does not change anything.  In fact, what we are really doing is keeping ourselves stuck when we should be actively pursuing ways to improve and better ourselves for no one else other than ourselves.

So be mindful of the people in your life that you allow to influence your thoughts and feelings especially if they are constantly negative.  Take control of the messages you feed yourself – as this can create the doorway for other people’s negativity in your life.

Instead try to foster within yourself a positive and healthy perspective by using words and doing things that uplift, motivate and encourage you to be better. We live in a world where we are taught to value what other people think of us more than how we see of ourselves.

The only view that’s truly important is, how YOU view yourself.

Thanks for stopping by.  🙂

 

How to find your gift?

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Image Credit: Pexels.com

For as long as I could remember, I have always heard the term “gift” in relation to someone’s special talent or ability and wondered, what was my special gift?  What is that one thing outside of my physical attributes and personality that made me truly unique?  I never knew for sure what that special ‘thing’ was or how to find it and that sometimes left me feeling unfulfilled.

You see, despite holding various positions in different organizations over the years I could never shake the feeling that I was supposed to be doing something more with my life.  If you have ever been there or you are still trying to find yourself then you know how frustrating that can be.   I will share with you how I found my gift; some of the challenges I faced along the way and how I overcame them.

Definition – What is a gift?

When I use the term ‘gift’ here, I am referring to that unique ability or talent embedded within you that no one else can do the way you do It is what makes you – YOU! 🙂  It’s like a finger print – no one else in the world has your unique prints.  Whether that gift is singing, dancing, cooking, teaching, story telling, poetry, interior design, hair dressing or photography just to name a few – no one can execute it the way you do, no matter how hard they try.

Where does your gift come from?

Some say, that we’re born with it.  Others say that it is something you develop over time.  There is also the belief that, a ‘gift’ is a blessing from God.  I believe ALL of the above is true.

I believe that from as early as the womb we are blessed with  unique and special talents and abilities from God.  If we develop  them correctly can make us great and successful in this life.  Likewise, if the ‘gift’ is left undeveloped it could result in us feeling lost and unfulfilled in life.

This was something I struggled with for many years.  You see, I was not ready mentally and spiritually for the journey. My life was filled with all sorts of distractions such as negative and unhealthy relationships, poor view of myself and a poor attitude.  I lacked the drive and motivation to go after what I claimed I really wanted and often made a lot of excuses as to why I could not succeed.

The PROCESS –  here are some things I did  to help me through this.

  1. Freed myself from all the negative people in my life. I recognized how their contributions only held me back and decided it was time I moved on.
  2. I decided “enough is enough”.  No more self-doubt and self-pity. It was time to stand up and take an active role in shaping my happiness.
  3. I started to monitor my thoughts.  The saying “words have power” is so true especially when they are coming out of your mouth.  I was sometimes the negative voice in my head, so I told myself to “SHUT UP”.  “Starting from today, if you have nothing good to say about yourself or others just be quiet!”
  4. Improve my attitude.  Many times we often underestimate how important our attitude is to our success – not only in finding our gift but in our everyday lives as well.  To discover your gift, I’ve found that gratitude, humility, patience, positivity, determination and perseverance are key elements that we should foster to not only find our gift but develop it.
  5. I limited and removed any negative distractions.  The distractions I am referring to included: watching too much television, excessive gaming on my devices, excessive partying, hanging out with people who are constantly negative and any addictions. Don’t let your distractions continue to have control over your mind, body or spirit.  Take control of your time and you’ll take control of your life.
  6. I created a list of the things  that I ‘loved’ doing versus what I ‘liked’ doing.  These are the things that made me happiest when I was doing them.  Please note , that nothing is insignificant, trivial or unimportant, if it is something you LOVE doing, be sure to list it.
  7. I confided in someone I trusted and whose opinion I respected. Please note, that this would ideally be someone who has known you at least 5 or more years. This person should be someone who is constructive in their feedback.  If you feel you don’t have anyone, I would suggest keeping a journal.  List your thoughts, aspirations and fears.  Be your own best friend!
  8. I regularly prayed and talked to God.  God is always with you, don’t be afraid to reach out to him through prayer and he will provide the answers you need.  Ask him for guidance, strength, patience or courage whatever you feel you need and he will grant it to you.  Open your mind and don’t limit yourself to only what you can see and imagine for yourself.  THINK BIG!
  9. Don’t let FEAR of the unknown or what people might think paralyze you and keep you stuck.  I used to be concerned about what people might think about my new pursuit but when I weighed who stood to benefit the most when I succeeded – I didn’t care about those people anymore.
  10. I started believing in myself and my abilities.   We ALL have something uniquely specific to us that can ADD VALUE to the lives of others.  Explore and nurture it!
  11. I had to learn to be patient with myself. I found everything was taking too long and wondered if I would ever have my breakthrough.   I had to focus more on improving myself and my thinking and spend  less time worrying about the days that went by. Remember, it’s a process!
  12. No matter what that little ‘voice of doubt’ might chant as it sits in the corner of your brain.  Don’t ever give up! 
  13. Don’t focus on what others are doing or saying.  Your success, your happiness and your future should be your primary focus. The focus of this exercise is YOU no one else.  I understand how difficult it could be at times when we look at other people lives and it seems to be so much better than ours but trust me, they have their own crap and issues that they are dealing with too.  Stay focused!
  14. Power of forgiveness.  Unforgiveness has kept me stuck for a long time and it was only through forgiving those people in my life that wronged me that I was able to really grow and find happiness.  Until I released myself from the hurt, pain and anger they caused me, I could not really move forward.  It is time to set yourself FREE, this is not about them.

Many of us go through life without purpose and direction and it does not have to be that way.  If you are tired of doing the same old, same old and you are really ready to shake off fear and go after your passion, then there is no time like the present to take action. I am happy to say that my gift is writing and helping others.  This blog makes me happy.  The feedback from my readers encourage and motivate me.

When I use my gift it does not feel like work because I enjoy doing it so much.  I don’t get tired of doing it because there is a passion and love for what I am doing.  Your gift should  benefit others – always bringing joy, pleasure and happiness when you use it. I believe once your gift meets that criteria you are on the right track.

 Stay strong and keep pursuing your dreams.